Lonely

   

I've always had this thought in my mind rolling over and over. Is it true or not? Or was it just a doubt that I had? I was always confused, tortured by this thought. Thought I never feel that again, but here I am. It's all falling into place perfectly right. I don't know is it just me or them, but RM was also disappointed by them. She always took care of him as a son, not me though, but I was not sad and that certainly didn't stop me. I always dreamt big, thought I would make them proud one day but she didn't want me to be the one, she wanted him. Said she loved us both the same but one only need to open their eyes to see the mask she had on, lying and lying about everything. I helped her every time in need but she never did the same. I helped him too, certainly we had unresolved issues in the past, thought that would just slide away; but no, it never did. It remained like a stain in my brain. Every time they made my heart rage on fire, my mind always said to shed a tear. I always wanted to stay calm in peace, but time never gave me the opportunity. They were always a bond, had each others back, but not mine. They say it's fate, astrology but I never believed until today. I always wanted to be perfect, I never was and I know I never will. 'Lonely' certainly makes sense. I have all this love that I want to pour over like a rain but there's no one on the other side. If I certainly find a person that can make me happy, count up for all the tears that I had shed. I know this is not it. But I love RM though, he is the only one beside me that goes through the same pain. I certainly live for him, not for them. Everyone say the love she give is the best love that one can receive but all I got so far is pain and heart wrecking sadness and depression. Emotional pain is so hard to deal with, one cannot heal this open wound, it stays open forever.

Justin is right, "cuz what if you had it all

                           and nobody to call." 

I know it's a tough competition out there but I am gonna fight to my last breath and thrive. I am a lone wolf out in the dark waiting for the prey only to rip them apart and tear it down. Feel the power of wrath, like a dragon soaring in the sky only to feel the freedom. I always wanted a life with calmness and peace and I know people who have achieved it and for it to be done I have to be alone without commitment. 

This day will always be remembered, the day that changed the coarse of my life. I wanna be awesome, be great, a mind that all people shall remember, a person of heart, warmth, one who certainly knows the pain, one who help others in need, one whose always there, one who forgives. I wanna leave a foot print behind when I leave this wonderful place.